Hi, My Name is Linda

My class, The Eternal Family, is done in two-week units. Each unit has a Provident Living Plan assignment in which we are to set a goal in relation to the topic, and work on it for the two weeks. So far we have had Finance, Healthy Eating and Exercise, and Scripture Study. This week was about Media Management.

We are given several ideas for goals to choose from. Being in school, I don't really have a lot of time to watch TV, and since I have become a temple worker, my media management is pretty good. I try to listen to things that are uplifting, don't watch rated R movies, and mostly read school stuff and business or self-improvement books. The final suggestion was addictive behaviors. It specifically mentioned "compulsive eating disorders."

Well then.

Compulsive eating.

Welcome to my world.

It appears this is what I need to work on in my life. Healthy Eating a few weeks before wasn't sufficient.

So, I went to the Church's addiction recovery site and did a bit of reading. I found that there was a Women's Only General Addiction meeting here in town and put it on my calendar to attend.

This is a very scary thing to do. It is difficult enough to live with an addiction - something that you are ashamed of and can't control - but to go and speak it and bare the deepest darkest parts of your soul to others, words can't describe.

The effects of this addiction are more than just the extra weight on my body. There is extra weight on my soul. Living with shame is a burden. I avoid people I knew when I was thinner because I am embarrassed about the way I look. I almost think it would be more socially acceptable to be a recovering alcoholic than to have an eating disorder that makes you fat. I have often wished I was anorexic because then, at least I wouldn't be fat.

The hardest thing about this is knowing that because of my addiction, I have raised my girls to carry on similar behaviors. This is that last thing I would want my daughters to have deal with, yet that is exactly what has happened.

Addiction breeds addiction.

I know this is something my Heavenly Father wants me to work on right now and that through Him and the enabling power of the Atonement, I can face this.

As hard as it may be, I will face this.

Me and my Treadmill

So I am sitting here after spending 45 min. on my treadmill.  My legs have tiny explosions throughout as my muscles relax from the effort.  I kind of have a love/hate relationship with my treadmill.  I enjoy walking and want to work up to running but the process of getting there kind of sucks.  I have never been a runner and running with a 40 something year old bladder and the added weight isn't much fun. The reason I want to work up to running?  You can get a higher calorie burn in a faster amount of time than with walking.   Fortunately my treadmill is in the family room with the TV.  My hubby hooked up a long cord for my ear buds so I can listen to a show on my DVR or a movie on Netflix without bothering the rest of the family.

I have started back on my weight loss journey after taking a break for many months.  (broken foot, holidays, sinus infection for 3 months and 4 antibiotics, antibiotic induced tendonitis)  Anyhoo, it always amazes me how fast you can lose fitness when you don't exercise. 

I also started using my Spark People tracking for my nutrition/fitness/weight loss.  I absolutely hate counting calories and this is the place I have found that makes it easiest for me.  It comes with reports that you can view in graphs or pie charts that show your progress.  ooohhh, pictures!

I had to put in my weight and measurements in when I started tracking and imagine my dismay when the little arrow went the wrong way.  I have gained weight since I was doing this about a year ago.  It is frustrating when you realize you are the kind of person who can't trust yourself with unconscious eating.  As much as I hate calorie counting I am beginning to realize that it is something I will have to do for for the rest of my life if I want to get my weight down to where I want it and then maintain it.

It is kind of like marriage after dating.  You don't just say, oooh, now I'm married, I don't have to work on it any more.  You can't just lose the weight and think you don't have to work on it any more. 

So here I go, starting up a process that I have started many times before, hoping this time I will stick with it and do it right!

How I lost 8 lbs in one day, or, The Diet from Hell

On Facebook I mentioned that I was excited for Conference weekend because I love watching church in my jammies.  Little did I know how prophetic a statement that was going to be. 

You  see, I didn't end up with the "yay, I am watching church in my jammies" kind of day.  It was more of a "I wish I were dead because I would feel better" kind of jammie day.

Yes, I was in my jammies but I wasn't watching conference.  I was worshiping at the porcelain throne.  Not only was I worshiping, I was ultra religious.  I didn't just kneel.  I sat at the throne with a bowl on my lap and I was like clock work.  Every 1-2 hours I had a religious moment again.

I caught a few snippets of conference on the radio but mostly I was in an out of my religious zen or on my bed wishing I was dead.  By late evening the only thing I wanted was a cherry Popsicle and some jello. 

Cherry Popsicles remind me of when I was young.  That was something mom would give me when I was sick.  It would help bring down fevers and was easy on your tummy.  Maybe that is why I was craving it.  A little mommy vibe.

Today I am a little more resembling human life form.  I actually had the where with all to get in a tub and lay there like a slug.  So today I am going to try this whole conference thing again.

I am skipping the jammies!

Where is my wagon?

Ok, so I have fallen off the diet wagon and I am trying to get back on.  I have gained a few pounds since I have been back home and unemployed even though I have been walking/jogging/doing yard work etc.

I am cooking dinner, bread, trying new recipes etc. and it has gotten tougher to follow a strict diet.  When I was working I would fix myself a lunch, usually a salad, and snacks for the day.  Now that I am fixing food for the whole family I have to make stuff everyone wants to eat.  Another problem is that my youngest LOVES to bake brownies, something I have a very hard time saying no to.

Today I tried to find my wagon and take the driver's seat again.   School starts in a couple weeks so that should cut down on the brownie baking. Hopefully I can take the wagon for a ride and control the beastie.