Becoming More Faithful

A few days ago I posted about deciding I needed to return to my temple assignment just because it was something I had to do, not because I wanted to.

I had an experience this week which helped me realize why I needed to be there. I have been importuning in my prayers that my desires would be brought into alignment with what my Savior wants me to do. This experience made that happen.

I will go back to the temple next weekend. I will still be short on time and energy, but now, I am going back not only because I am supposed to, but because it is something I want to do because I realize how much I need it.

Working to exercise faith really can bring about miracles, changes of heart, and answers to prayer.

Help Thou Mine Unbelief

During a study session for my Becoming Project on faithfulness, I received a bit of pointed chastisement.

I took time out before writing this and posted about how crazy life has been the past few months to make my feelings more understandable. Because of all this crazy in my life, I have been seriously contemplating asking to be released from my temple calling, instead of going back in a couple of weeks when my leave time runs out.

Fall semester starts next week and I am taking two classes. Homework has been a challenge with Bubba in the house. I come home from work and he wants to spend time with “uh-ma.” With my new job, I no longer get to leave early on Fridays. I used that time for homework.

During my leave from the temple, I have thoroughly enjoyed having my Saturdays again. I have been using them to do homework, putter around and get things done in the house, and play with Bubba. Thinking about going back makes me sad. This shouldn’t be the reaction to returning to my temple assignment. Looking at the calendar yesterday, at the day I am supposed to go back, literally made me sick to my stomach. I stayed home from church yesterday and went to bed.

My problem is that I know I am supposed to go back.  I have been praying that He would help me change my desires to match what He wants me to do. This hasn’t happened. I have come to the slow realization that I have to do this because I have to do this.

Now to the chastisement.

I was reading the talk Help Thou Mine Unbelief by L. Whitney Clayton. There were three things that jumped out to me:

•   To have faith in Jesus Christ means to have such trust in him that we obey whatever he commands. There is no faith where there is no obedience.

• We simply go and do the things the Lord has commanded, even when we are weary, trusting that He will help us to do exactly as He asks.  As we do so, the Lord helps our unbelief, and our faith becomes powerful, vibrant, and unshakable. 

• No matter who we are or where we live, there is much about our daily lives that is routine and repetitive. As we go about this dailiness, we must be deliberate about doing the things that matter most. These must-do things include making room first for the minimum daily requirements of faithful behavior: true obedience, humble prayer, serious scripture study, and selfless service to others. No other daily vitamins strengthen the muscles of our faith as fast as these actions.

There you have it. If I truly want to increase my faithfulness, this is what I have to do. I must simply go and do what matters most and trust that the Lord will take care of the rest.

How do you Abstain from Food?

The first Action Step of Step 1: Honesty is "Become Willing to Abstain." 

"People say individuals finally become willing to abstain when the pain of the problem becomes worse than the pain of the solution."[1]

How do you abstain from food? 

To find this out I had to go to the fount of all knowledge, Google. I learned that with food you “abstain from the behavior.” Easier said than done. If I could abstain from the compulsive eating behavior, I wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place. I guess this is where completely surrendering to God comes in. I can’t do it on my own. I am no good on my own. But with His help, I can do it.

It is also important to have a Food Plan. I like the idea of a “plan” instead of a diet. The thought of having pre-planned, weighed and measured meals is not only stressful and depressing; it makes me want to poke an eye out. I guess I don’t do well when I feel my agency being taken away!

On the FoodAddiction.com website, I found a food plan that clicked with me and which I modified just a bit. 301: 3 meals a day, 0 snacks, 1 day at a time. The one day at a time really spoke to me. Looking at this as a complete life overhaul is very overwhelming. I can do one day at a time. The modification I made takes it to:

321: 3 meals a day, 2 healthy snacks, 1 day at a time.

I guess it has been somewhat fortuitous in the timing of all this. I have been really sick for the past several weeks to the point where I have actually taken a leave from my temple assignment. I have been missing work and church, pretty much staying really friendly with “the lou.” Because of this, I have decided to go on an elimination diet to try and calm my body down and figure out what the problem is.

In 2010 I went on the HCG diet, minus the HCG injections, and the first two weeks I did an elimination diet. It was basically two eggs for breakfast cooked in real butter, two oranges for mid-meal snacks, and all the lean protein meats and raw green vegetables I want. I could use spices and olive oil on salad. That was doable. I had very strict guidelines but didn’t have to measure or weigh anything. After the two weeks, you could add in other things, just no dairy or grains. I lost about 85 lbs. on that diet. Unfortunately, whilst unemployed over the summer, my daughters and I did a lot of baking. My old eating habits returned and over the course of the next several years, I have gained most of that weight back.

Combining the 321 with that elimination diet is something I can do.

I am trying to be more “mindful” of when and what I am eating. 

I am trying to make better choices in food selection. 

I am trying to not eat food between meals, other than my planned snacks. 

This is something that I struggle with. Food is a stress coping mechanism. I have to be extremely aware and work at doing something else.

I am trying to not weigh myself. 

I don’t want this change to be about how much or how fast I can lose. I am trying to make this about changing my heart and soul, changing my life, feeling better, and being healthier.

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[1] "Step 1: Honesty." The 12 Steps. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, n.d. Web. 23 June 2016.

Hi, My Name is Linda

My class, The Eternal Family, is done in two-week units. Each unit has a Provident Living Plan assignment in which we are to set a goal in relation to the topic, and work on it for the two weeks. So far we have had Finance, Healthy Eating and Exercise, and Scripture Study. This week was about Media Management.

We are given several ideas for goals to choose from. Being in school, I don't really have a lot of time to watch TV, and since I have become a temple worker, my media management is pretty good. I try to listen to things that are uplifting, don't watch rated R movies, and mostly read school stuff and business or self-improvement books. The final suggestion was addictive behaviors. It specifically mentioned "compulsive eating disorders."

Well then.

Compulsive eating.

Welcome to my world.

It appears this is what I need to work on in my life. Healthy Eating a few weeks before wasn't sufficient.

So, I went to the Church's addiction recovery site and did a bit of reading. I found that there was a Women's Only General Addiction meeting here in town and put it on my calendar to attend.

This is a very scary thing to do. It is difficult enough to live with an addiction - something that you are ashamed of and can't control - but to go and speak it and bare the deepest darkest parts of your soul to others, words can't describe.

The effects of this addiction are more than just the extra weight on my body. There is extra weight on my soul. Living with shame is a burden. I avoid people I knew when I was thinner because I am embarrassed about the way I look. I almost think it would be more socially acceptable to be a recovering alcoholic than to have an eating disorder that makes you fat. I have often wished I was anorexic because then, at least I wouldn't be fat.

The hardest thing about this is knowing that because of my addiction, I have raised my girls to carry on similar behaviors. This is that last thing I would want my daughters to have deal with, yet that is exactly what has happened.

Addiction breeds addiction.

I know this is something my Heavenly Father wants me to work on right now and that through Him and the enabling power of the Atonement, I can face this.

As hard as it may be, I will face this.

The Test of Life

In watching  the podcast for this week, I loved and insight from Elder Maxwell:

“Perhaps it helps to emphasize - more than we sometimes do - that our first estate [pre-mortal life] featured learning of a cognitive type…. The second estate [earth life], however, is one that emphasizes experiential learning through applying, proving, and testing. We learn cognitively here, too, just as a good university examination also teaches even as it tests us.  

In any event, the books of the first estate are now closed to us, and the present test is, therefore very real, we have moved, as it were, from first-estate theory to second-estate theory laboratory. It is here that our Christ-like characteristics are further shaped and our spiritual skills are thus strengthened.” 

--Elder Neal A. Maxwell

This ties into the dream of Jacob’s ladder in which he learned that he would have to climb the rungs of the ladder himself.

What an interesting way of looking at our lives. We got the instructional part in Heaven. Now we are on Earth taking the test. We have to do the hard work and prove ourselves, rung by rung, to return back to our Father in Heaven.

Reference:

All These Things Shall Give Thee Experience, Elder Neal A. Maxwell, pages 19-20

Of Creativity and Priorities

Harvard Business School professor, Teresa Amabile, has an interesting take on creativity. In her research, discussed in her HBR article Recognizing and Shaping Opportunities, she has come to the conclusion that creativity is made up of three intersecting components: Expertise, Motivation, and Creative-Thinking Skills.

Expertise includes experiences, education, and knowledge.

Motivation refers to both internal passion and interests, and to external rewards.

Creative-thinking skills include the way people approach and solve problems and put existing ideas together in new combinations.

Amabile says that these three components help frame how entrepreneurs recognize opportunities.

This was exciting to me because the main reason I have felt I’m NOT an entrepreneur is that I don’t have ideas. The concept that I can use my expertise, internal passions, and problem solving abilities to recognize opportunities, is exciting. There is hope for me yet!

Something that really stood out to me this week was the case study we read of Randy Haykin, in which he discusses the difficulty of being an entrepreneur and having quality time for your family. Haykin said that mentors (plural, so more than one person) told him that “it is impossible to start a company and have a family that still loves you in the process.” That is kind of a bleak outlook. 

“I always felt that if all success means is an unhappy family or a divorce situation or kids that can’t relate to you, then what is the purpose of having gone through this? Balancing work and family has been a real challenge, but I think the most rewarding part.”

-         Randy Haykin

So it is possible, and rewarding, and extremely difficult. Knowing that at the beginning and having ethical guardrails in place can help.

I am excited to experience some of the entrepreneurial creativity spoken of and grateful to have my ethical guardrails already in place when it happens.

Resources
Recognizing and Shaping Opportunities, Teresa Amabile, Harvard Business Review

Of Sowing and Reaping

 Randy Komisar, in talking about life/career balance said this:

“Never put yourself in a situation where you can’t say no.”

One of the key factors to being able to say no is to be financially self-reliant (Komisar). If you aren’t drowning in debt it will be easier to say no to job offers that may compromise your ethical guardrails.

In his talk Attitude on Money, Stephen W. Gibson reminds us that money is not evil, that it is neither good nor bad, and that it reveals the kind of person we are. It may be the way in which we use our money that may be evil. (Gibson)

For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. 1 Timothy 6:10

President Thomas S. Monson, in his address Formula for Success states that “we have the responsibility to be prepared, to be productive, to be faithful, and to be fruitful as well.” His suggested formula for success is three fold:

First – Fill your mind with truth

Second – Fill your life with service

Third – Fill your heart with love

His statement on how to treat the precious commodity of our testimonies is a great analogy for life, business, money etc. “Remember, a testimony is perishable. That which you selfishly keep, you lose; that which you willingly share, you keep” (Monson).

Fear not to do good . . . for whatsoever ye sow, that shall ye also reap; therefore, if ye sow good ye shall also reap good for your reward. D&C 6:33

This brings me to the question of “What is your attitude toward money?”

I believe in a form of karma in the sense of President Monson’s testimony statement and the scripture above. I believe if we are selfish with our money we close down opportunities to grow and gain. If we give of the abundance we have, it will come back to us.  I am trying to more fully live this way.

How can your view of money affect the way you live? If you are selfish with the abundance you have, you limit your ability to help others and the potential blessings that God has in store for you. You also limit your potential salvation. We are commanded to help the widow, the hungry, and downtrodden.

And now behold, my beloved brethren, I say unto you, do not suppose that this is all; for after ye have done all these things (pray for temporal and spiritual blessings), if ye turn away the needy, and the naked, and visit not the sick and afflicted, and impart of your substance, if ye have, to those who stand in need—I say unto you, if ye do not any of these things, behold, your prayer is vain, and availeth you nothing, and ye are as hypocrites who do deny the faith. Alma 34:28

What rules are recommended for prospering? In addition to the three listed above by President Monson, we are given these in Attitude on Money:

1. Seek the Lord and have hope in him.
2. Keep the commandments, [this] includes the temporal ones, tithing and fast offerings.
3. Think about money and plan how you can become self-reliant.
4. Take advantage of chances for learning so you will not be ignorant of these matters. Education, as President Hinckley has taught us, is the Key to Opportunity.
5. Learn the laws upon which the blessings of wealth are predicated.
6. Do not send away the naked, the hungry, the thirsty or the sick or those who are held captive.

These are my goals. I hope that I can truly learn these, not just intellectually but wholeheartedly, to incorporate them into my very being.





References:
Formula for Success, Thomas S. Monson, Ensign Mar. 1996
Attitude on Money, Stephen W. Gibson

Of Habits and Understanding

This week we discussed Dr. Steven Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. The seven habits are:

1.      Be proactive

a.       Take charge. Act instead of be acted upon. Take responsibility.

2.      Begin with the end in mind

a.       Have an end goal then live in a way that will take you there.

3.      Put first things first

a.       Prioritize. Stay in the “Important and Non-Urgent” quadrant.

“Management is doing things right, leadership is doing the right things.”

-          Peter Drucker & Warren Bennis

4.      Think win/win

a.       Seek mutual benefit for each party, not just yourself.

5.      Seek first to understand, then to be understood

a.       Listen to understand, not to respond. Empathy.

“Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he can and should be and he will become as he can and should be.”

-          Goethe

6.      Synergize

a.       The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. 1+1= anything greater than 2.

7.      Sharpen the saw

a.       Don’t be so busy sawing that you don’t notice your saw is dull. Renewal.

Two concepts that really stood out to me were Habits 5 and 7.

Communication is vital in relationships and work life. Most people, when they listen to another person – aren’t listening to understand - they are listening to determine how to respond. They are more concerned with their part in the conversation than they are in what the person is actually saying.

“The key to good judgment is understanding. If we judge first, we will never fully understand.”

The first item listed in sharpening the saw is physical exercise. This is something I need to do. I am caught in the endless cycle of being too tired to get up an hour earlier to exercise; however, if I don’t, my health won’t carry me to what I want to accomplish in life. I feel like I am doing pretty well with the other three items: spiritual, mental, and social/emotional.

I look forward to experiencing what Dr. Covey states will come from 30 minutes of daily exercise: improved quality of the remaining hours every day, preserved and enhanced capacity to work and adapt and enjoy, and a paradigm shift of my own self-image.

“That which we persist in doing becomes easier – not that the nature of the task has changed, but our ability to do has increased.”

-          Emerson

Reflections

We read a case study of a woman named Magdalena Yesil. She was an entrepreneur turned venture capitalist. She was instrumental in getting internet payment systems going and internet to the colleges and the masses.

The thing that really spoke to me as I read about Magdalena, was her firm belief that gender was irrelevant to accomplishment. This is amazing to me considering that she was from Turkey, which is an incredibly patriarchal society—even still today, much less growing up in the sixties. This belief would have served her well when she went from an all-girls school to a technical institute, of which 94% were men. The field she chose, Engineering, is a heavily dominated industry today. She would have been an anomaly in the seventies and eighties.

Why this really speaks to me is that I believe you can change the word “gender” to any word that fits your situation.

 “_________ is irrelevant to accomplishment.”

For me, turning 48 next month, “age” will be one word I put in there. Age is irrelevant to accomplishment. Who cares if I will be 51 when I graduate! I will still do it. Maybe I will go on for an MBA. I will be 53 by the time that happens. This still leaves me with 12 – 15 good years of working before retirement.

Would it have been better if I had gotten my degree in my twenties? Sure. But today is better than never.