The Only Thing That Stays the Same Is Change

I haven’t done much in the way of personal blogging lately because life has been really crazy and brought about some huge changes in my life and home.

During the middle of June, I took a leave from my Saturday temple assignment. I was having some health issues and decided I needed some time to get well. Little did I know that two weeks later I would catch a nasty virus from my grandson (aka Bubba) that would knock me out for a month.

About a week into July, my oldest daughter moved home with my grandson. She was staying in her old bedroom, which was being used as a storage room, on an air mattress and Bubba was in a pack-n-play. What we thought would be a few days, turned into a few weeks, and then the decision to divorce was made.

I had been looking for a new job for quite some time, feeling the need to go somewhere that had an opportunity for advancement. It had been really frustrating because I was either not finding jobs I would want to do, or I was applying for jobs and not hearing anything from them. On July 29^th I finally had an interview, was called back August 3^rd for a second interview, and then during the 4^th and 5^th had email exchanges about salary requirements, benefits, references etc. Monday the 8^th, the job offer started with a request to begin in a week.

Talk about getting the ball rolling. I guess when the Lord wants you somewhere he will get you there! After five years working at the law firm, I gave notice on the August 9^th with a start date for my new job on the 22^nd.

Once the decision for divorce was made and that they would be leaving the apartment, the landlord wanted them moved out before the last week in August. My craft room/office/study space was going to be Bubba’s bedroom. I had one weekend to get rid of everything in that room. I didn’t have time to try and sell anything, so I decided I just needed to give it away. I posted on our Relief Society FaceBook page that I was giving everything away and asked them to please come take it.

I took Friday, August 12^th off so I could move all my stuff into the garage and on Saturday, gave everything away. I kept a few staples: my sewing machine, crochet hooks and knitting needles, some embroidery stuff. Everything else went: stamps, ink pads, paper, yarn, Cricut, Sizzix, Big Shot, scrapbook stuff, books, containers, storage cubes, and shelves etc.

This was a really emotionally taxing time for me. I felt like I was giving away and ending a huge part of me and my life. I had to have a few cries but knew that I was doing the right thing. Bubba needed a room of his own.

That day we also had to have our pug, Sophie, put to sleep. She had been with us for 12 years. This was a very difficult day.

During all of this, I still had to go to work and do homework. I was taking a summer religion class that compressed 12 weeks of work into 7. Now that I was out of my office space, I was trying to do homework at the kitchen table. This was not easy with Bubba around.

August 22^nd I started my new job. It has been two weeks now and so far I love it.

About a week ago, I finally got a desk put up in my bedroom. Now I have a place I can go to do my homework and shut the door.

As I said, these past few weeks have been crazy. They have been an emotional rollercoaster and the house has gone kind of topsy-turvy. We still have boxes in the garage and are still taking loads of things to D.I. We have been slowly baby-proofing, as much as you can do that in a house.

In the midst of this chaos has been some wonderfulness too. There have been lots of snuggles and laughter, spending time with both my daughters, and seeing the world through the eyes of a child.

We are still adjusting to our new normal. But we are adjusting together.

Where did that come from?

I haven't posted in a long time and I have been trying to figure out why.  After a bit of thought it is probably because for the past several months I have had a lot of turmoil in my life.  This would seem to be the perfect time to post and get things out, however, most of it was regarding work and I didn't feel like I needed to talk about that publicly.

My life has drastically changed during the first half of this year and after not posting for so long it is hard to know where to begin. That added to the delays in posting.

 In February, after working for my company for 3 years and in an Office Manager position, they did some departmental restructuring and eliminated my position.  I was told they didn't want to lose me so they asked me to stay on in a recently vacated position as a Billing Specialist/Team lead.  This is a position I had just been manager over.  This was a very difficult thing to do. Part of me wanted to just quietly leave the company and never talk to anyone about it.  Another part of me thought I just needed to suck it up and take the new position, especially in this economy.  I stayed.  It was a very difficult transition to go from being a manager to being a non manager in the same department and moving from an office to a desk in the general area.  This new position also came with a lower rate of pay.  It was especially difficult for those working with me.  The first week or so a lot of people didn't want to look me in the eye and you could tell they were really uncomfortable around me.  It wasn't a general announcement and the majority of the company didn't know about it and still treated me as though I was a manager.  Really strange dynamic.

The "team" had a full plate with three people and was currently only two people.  Needless to say we were swamped but we held on and actually made progress and were doing some great things. I was able to start a new auditing process that was finding a lot of revenue that wasn't being billed and catching things before they billed in error and preventing potential refund issues. Part of this new job was to be logged into a queue half of the day taking phone calls.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I don't like being on the phones.  However, I did it and was great on the phones.  My luck to excel in something I don't like.  People who know me also know that I am a tad vocal when I notice things I feel are wrong and are causing problems.  I tried to channel my "vocal inclinations" to my direct manager instead of talking about them to co workers and basically kept my head down and worked hard.

Mid June I was "let go". I was told I had a bad attitude and trouble prioritizing.  I was totally surprised. I had never been written up.

Anyway, I am once again a stay at home mom.  The thing that surprised me is how much I am enjoying it.  I used to feel like being a SAHM was nothing special and to really be important or make an impact on the world, I needed to go to work.  I needed to be a professional to be something.

I am so surprised by how much I am truly enjoying the time I am having this summer with my two teenagers.  We are spending time crafting a lot and have just decided to open up an ETSY shop together.  I am relearning how to cook.  I have changed my eating habits a lot over the last few years in an effort to lose weight and get healthier.  While I worked full time I rarely, if ever, cooked dinner.  I am pretty much cooking every night.  I am baking homemade wheat bread with flour I ground myself.

I am feeling like I am actually getting my Domestic Goddessness back.  It is wonderful.  It is scary not being employed and I am grateful for unemployment.  I am still looking for a job, although in this economy it is really hard.

I don't know how long I will be unemployed but in the mean time I am trying to use my time wisely and take advantage of the time I have with my girls.

Growing old gracefully? Well, that depends . . . .

I learned something about myself last night.  My body doesn't like to run.

Now, for those of you who love me and think I am perfect and want to maintain that illusion, this is a TMI alert that you may not want to read what follows, however I know that many of my girlfriends will totally relate.

I was doing a fat burn speed program on my treadmill last night.  Now let me qualify speed.  The maximum speed that I put on the program was 4 mph.  The program will run at different speeds up and down throughout a 30 minute workout.

I was doing great.  2.8 up to 3.4, moving a little faster, swinging my arms, having a good time.  Then it moves up to 4 mph which is a bit of a jog for me.

When I say my body doesn't like to run I don't mean the fact that I have to hold on to the treadmill so I don't trip and fall flat on my face, or that I was huffing and puffing like an asthmatic, or the fact that my knees were screaming at me "hey, what did we ever do to you"!  No, the reason my 41 year old body doesn't like running is the up and down, pounding action that was happening on my bladder.

I was hanging on trying not to fall on my face when I start thinking to myself "I kind of need to go to the bathroom.  I need to go to the bathroom.  I really need to go to the bathroom.  I can't stop in the middle of my work out but I really really have to go to the bathroom". I am trying to hold out through the short segment of 4 mph for the up and down pounding to stop when it happened.  I had a little leakage.  (I warned you!)

Now this wasn't a release of rushing waters, just a little leakage, but still!  How humiliating.

Having birthed offspring I know all about the leakage when you sneeze or when you laugh too hard or when you cough or when you look at someone cross-eyed, not really but you get the idea.  I have talked to my Dr. about that and have a lovely pill that I take now.  However, what are you supposed to do when you are holding on trying not to fall on your face for an extended period of time?

My scrapbook girls want me to do a 5k with them.  What is a (fabulous) middle age bladder control  challenged person to do?  Am I going to have to saddle up to a "product"?

I think I would rather stay home and scrapbook.